Atlantis Can Be Fun
by planetkiller
Summary: This is now a series of stand alones about the labs and scientists. 1.A normal meeting quickly goes downhill. 2.A lab explosion causes more problems than originally thought.3.John takes a shower. Someone decides to join him.
1. Meetings Can Be Fun

**DISCLAIMER:** If I owned it, this would be an episode. Somebody warned me so I decided to put a blanket thing on all my stories (het, slash, gen,) Please, bring an open mind. Remember, everyone's life is not the same.

**A/N: **This is now a series. This story doesn't have much of anything to do with the next one and vice versa. They can be read in any order.

* * *

Jenna sighed as she resisted the urge to beat her head against the table. Or the wall. Or beat one of the UATs against her head until she sprouted flowers out her nose and passed out. The meeting had started the way that the "Weekly Science Meeting" always started. McKay had asked, "Any new business?" and the world went to hell in a handbasket. Jenna briefly wondered when this (listening to ten scientists yelling at once that their project was more important than any other project) had become normal. Deciding that it probably happened about the same time that walking through a puddle of goo did, she turned her attention back to the matter at hand. Finding a way out of this hell. 

Yes, it had started normally. McKay opening the can of worms and then announcing it was closed unless "We're all gonna die!" But when he had opened the progress report part of the meeting and Dr. Zelenka had begun talking about power consumption or something, that's when things got weird. Well, weirder, Jenna thought remembering the giant goo puddle of doom in the 'Gatetrium.

McKay had rolled his eyes and started playing with a pen while he nodded distractedly. If anybody else had been talking, not weird, but with Zelenka being the one speaking... Jenna briefly wondered if McKay had beaten one of the UATs against _his_ own head. Then, it started. Not the normal snarky remarks that everybody expected from McKay. No, he sounded angry about something. Very angry. And since the what-may-have-been-a-power-consumption report was obviously correct since Kavanagh didn't whine, Jenna had no clue what it could be about. Which was why she was resisting the urge to beat the crap outta herself.

"Dammit, Rodney! What the hell's the matter with you?" Zelenka finally yelled. Inward, Jenna marveled at his ability to keep speaking in English.

"What the matter with me? What's the matter with me?" Suddenly, Jenna realised what Judgment Day looked like: McKay. "I'll tell you what's the matter with me! I'm remembering when I saw you doing those damned calculations!" Glancing around briefly for something she could use for a shield, she started to slowly sink down in her chair so she could fly under the table at a moment's notice. Because the look Zelenka had on his face meant that he didn't have a clue what their enraged C.S.A. was going on about. "During the middle of (what I thought was damned good) sex, you climbed off me to check over those damned calculations!"

Screw running. Jenna didn't give a damn about beating herself into unconsciousness. She wanted pictures.

"That was three weeks ago, Rodney!" Zelenka responded as he pushed his glasses up his nose. "Surely, you're not still angry about it?" Jenna couldn't help herself. I am serious...and don't call me Shirley, she thought in a brief fit of insanity.

"No! If that was all, I wouldn't be angry!" McKay yelled back, obviously oblivious at the stricken scientists around them. Jenna giggled quietly at that sentence and decided the fit of insanity wasn't exactly brief.

"Then, why are you angry?" Zelenka asked as that common expression of confusion slipped over his features.

"They were _my_ calculations!" She decided that explained everything and justifiably so.

"Well, it's not my fault they were wrong!" Zelenka muttered as Jenna slid back down towards the table.

"THEY WERE NOT WRONG!" For a brief moment, the Canadian appeared ready to jump his Czech partner and not in that pleasant, mind-numbing, ecstasy kind of way. "I had the Major check over them the next morning! They were right and you were wrong!" The nearly hiddenwoman mentally added the 'so there'.

"That's because I had fixed them already," Zelenka muttered as he once again pushed his glasses up his nose. It had to be some kind of nervous tic as the glasses were pretty much as high up as they could get without floating.

"Oh, um..." McKay didn't know what to say to that so he resorted to playground behaviour. "NO! You didn't! It was exactly the same as when I had given it to you! You're lying now so that you'll look good!" Every scientist there began mentally begging Zelenka to give up; fortunately, he must've gained telepathy from somewhere (most likely an errant UAT).

"You're right. I'm a small, petty man," Zelenka said tiredly with a resigned air. "I'm sorry for stopping sex to play with calculations." McKay just stared at him while a silent 'And?' filled the room. "And I shouldn't have lied about changing the calculations." Jenna could hear his teeth grinding together from where she was cowering; it was a miracle McKay hadn't noticed. He just sat there and waited for something everyone knew wasn't coming.

Anybody else in Atlantis would've said it. Anybody else on the planet would've said it. Hell, anybody else in the MULTIVERSE would have said it. But Zelenka refuses to pretend that McKay's a god. He'd never apologise for not assuming McKay was perfect. The notgod in question opened his mouth to demand that apology when Zelenka crossed the room and pushed his tongue in. Jenna grabbed her camera and started snapping; that was why they brought her to Atlantis in the first place. Unfortunately, somebody still had some presence of mind left.

"Meeting adjourned!" Then, Simpson was pushing the errant photographer out talking about privacy as Jenna continued snapping over the scientist's shoulder.

* * *

Written for the AFI's 100 Film Quotes challenge. The quote was "I am serious...and don't call me Shirley." from the movie _Airplane!_


	2. Explosions Can Be Fun

Written for severusslave on wraithbunnies.

**Disclaimer:** I doubt the people who own this have enough time to read fanfic. But if they do (and want a vacation; weather's nice down here this time of year) I own Stargate: Atlantis, Stargate: SG1, Dropkick Murpheys, My Chemical Romance,the Clash, the Cure, Skindred, Treed Murray, October Sky, the African Queen, Casablanca, and Kavanagh. (though I claimed him so he may be mine.) I _really_ own Jenna, Sarge, the maybe-French doctor, and the SGC Documentary Corps. Feel free to borrow any of them. Somebody warned me so I decided to put a blanket thing on all my stories (het, slash, gen,) Please, bring an open mind. Remember, everyone's life is not the same.

* * *

Jenna knew something bad was going to happen as soon as Kavanagh told his assistant that he knew what he was doing and she was an over glorified toy. Sarge might not speak much English, but she knew her stuff when it came to explosions. If she was freaking out, everybody else should probably be freaking too. Jenna was getting ready to follow the soldier out of the room when whatever it was exploded in Kavanagh's face. And threw Jenna out the door, into the hall, and through the glass door on the other side onto the balcony. She was lucky she didn't fly over the railing, but she didn't know it at the time. That's because she was unconscious.

When Jenna woke it was to stare at an unfamiliar ceiling; it was nondescript and boring. If she had been on Earth, the photographer would never have known where she was. However, all the ceilings in Atlantis were beautiful with amazingly coloured panels, except one. Jenna actually felt really good considering she was in the infirmary.

As a S.I. hat and a certainly civilian pair of glasses moved into view, the photographer/scientist realised that Sarge had obviously come with her. Before Jenna could open her mouth, the soldier had spun on her heel and headed off across the infirmary returning with Dr. Beckett a few seconds later.

"Morning, lass," the Scot said as he shined the universe's brightest flashlight in her eyes. "How're you doin'?" Without waiting for a response, he continued with his babble. "I'm surprised; you fared extremely well." Jenna could just see Sarge making her escape behind the doc. Traitor. Weren't Marines supposed to never leave people behind? "Neither one of you is hurt, which is amazing. You were thrown throw a glass door. I'm guessing you don't have the gene since it didn't open..." Beckett continued to drone on excitedly about all the things that should've been wrong with her while Jenna frowned up at him. She did have the gene. That's why she was the photographer the SGC Documentary Corps sent. A few moments later, a loud crash and a muffled curse broke both doctor and patient out of their thoughts.

Kavanagh appeared from behind a privacy curtain. He was wearing a pair of white scrub pants and his glasses. His dark hair hung loose around his face and though, at the moment, Jenna hated him more than she thought possible to hate any one person, she couldn't keep her eyes off his bare chest.

The chemist was pasty as hell, but that was to be expected since he never left the labs. If Jenna was in charge, every last one of the geeks would be dragged to a beach on the mainland and left there for at least three hours every week. Probably a good thing Jenna wasn't in charge. Her eyes roved over the man's chest and she decided lab work must have done some good.

Kavanagh was no where near as muscular as the Marines (if she was being honest, he probably wasn't as muscular as Sarge), but he was lightly toned. That was something Jenna appreciated. She liked the lean look better. For some reason, she had always felt more comfortable when a man had a certain amount of give to him. The photographer was appraising the man with her professional eye, making sure to record as much as she could for wet dreams later on, when he destroyed the illusion.

"You say I'm fine. The nurse says I'm fine. I say I'm fine. Now, give me back my clothes so I can get back to my labs and figure out what the hell happened and why I'm fine." The nasal voice and his utter lack of concern about her destroyed any hope she had that he was a normal human. Jenna decided it was brief insanity brought on by forced chastity.

"Now, Kavanagh," Beckett said leaving Jenna's bed and walking toward the irate chemist, "both of you were unconscious and we don't know why. _And_ we don't know why you both aren't dead. So you have to stay here." Then Beckett the did the bravest thing anyone had ever done; he put his hand on Kavanagh shoulder and turned the other man around. It was then that Jenna did the most stupid thing anyone had ever done.

At first, the brightly coloured splotch on Kavanagh's left shoulder blade just stood out against his pasty skin. But Jenna was curious by nature, and more importantly an artist. She leaned forward to see what it was of, but couldn't make it out at that distance. The tattoo was what started the photographer's single-minded obsession with William Kavanagh.

WKWKWKWKWKWKWK

Two days later, both scientists were let out of the infirmary. The doctors and nurses had decided it was something in Kavanagh's formula that has caused the miracle by which both were still breathing. However, the whiny chemist didn't remember what exactly he had put in the beaker in the first place and Sarge wasn't talking, though that may have been due to the lack of English. Regardless, it probably wasn't worth using since it had reduced Jenna's gene to the level of the lab mice. (Somebody was watching out for her, though, since it was almost back to normal.) Both scientists immediately returned to the scene of the explosion.

As Jenna took pictures of the aftermath, she couldn't help but notice that she took more pictures of McKay ripping Kavanagh a new one than was strictly necessary. She blamed it on temporary insanity.

Two days after they were released, Jenna sat in her "office" scrolling through the contents of her laptop. Miko was a brilliant computer programmer which easily translated into a genius computer _hacker_. All Jenna had to do was give her that picture from two weeks ago. It was a close up of McKay in what the science staff liked to call "the McNip exploiting shirt." The photographer had lamented the loss of the pic, but it was worth it for what she got in return: the entire contents of Kavanagh's computer.

Chemistry reports and diary entries (most of which were whinging about how nobody appreciated him) made up most of what was up there. However, there were a few movie and music files. Jenna was having fun with that. If anyone had told her last week that she and Kavanagh had anything in common, she would've thrown that person over the 'Gatrium railing, laughing the entire time. If that same person had survived the fall and told her Kavanagh liked the Dropkick Murpheys and My Chemical Romance, Jenna would've sent that person to Heightmeyer. But here it was right in front of her face. The Clash, the Cure, Skindred, and several bands she'd never even heard of; all of them were definitely alternative and not what she expected from Kavanagh.

The movies were even more awe inducing. Something she'd never seen before called _Treed Murray_ involving gangs and a guy who looked too much like McKay for comfort. _Wormhole Extreme_: the movie. _October Sky_ which had convinced her to build a rocket in her backyard. It had promptly blown up. According to the diary, the same thing had happened to Kavanagh. What had really surprised the scientist were the war movies. It seemed like he had tried to get every one ever made squeezed onto his hard drive.

Sarge told her (in her own little way) that Jenna was becoming too stalkerish for her own good. Jenna admitted later that she never would've punched the smaller woman if she had just erased Kavanagh's stuff and not everything on the computer. The resulting infirmary stay probably did Jenna some good anyway.

WKWKWKWKWKWKWK

Probably dumping some unidentified chemical on Kavanagh was a bad idea, but Jenna was obsessed to the point that she was considering calling in every favour. Sarge told her that was a bad idea (she refused to hold him down and strip him...or she didn't understand what was going on) so the photographer did the only other thing she could think of. Which was why she was escorting Kavanagh into the infirmary. Beckett was nowhere in sight and the doctor who escorted him to the examining room motioned for the photographer to follow.

"Wat 'appened?" The photographer decided it was a French accent as she opened her mouth to talk. But Mr. Whingy McSnark beat her to it.

"The bitch poured something purple and glowing on me!" Before Jenna could retort, the doctor was talking.

"Uh huh. Are you sure she didn't slip?" Not waiting for a response, he turned to her. "Help him remove his shirt, please." And with that he was gone. Jenna turned wide-eyed to Kavanagh.

"Well, you heard the man!" he snapped before snapping his fingers the same way McKay does at Dr. Zelenka. Jenna smirked at that a little as she moved to help him remove the soaking wet, glowing, purple-stained, and most likely radioactive shirt. And if her hands lingered a little, she didn't notice it.

The photographer discretely checked the chemist out as she moved back away from him. Kavanagh was mumbling extraordinarily uncomplimentary things about her under his breath. And Jenna didn't really care, because she'd realised something with the snap thing. Kavanagh was McKay. The only difference was he didn't have the authority to be mean to everybody as much as he wanted. And McKay was probably meaner. And...the point is that Kavanagh is currently treating her the way McKay treats Dr. Zelenka. Which is a _great_ thing. If she can deal with snark 24/7.

The doctor moved back in and examined Kavanagh quickly and with a lot of French mutterings. "From what I can tell, you are fine. I _do_ want to keep you overnight just in case." He handed a pair of scrubs to Jenna. "Help him get changed." and he left once again. The scientists turned at stared at each other eyes anime wide.

"What the frak?" Jenna just shrugged as she went to help the chemist stand up. She handed him the scrub bottoms and turned around. "Okay." As she went to help him sit back down, she took the opportunity to study the tattoo.

It was a weird symbol that she vaguely remembered from chemistry. And it took all of Jenna's willpower not to reach out and trace it. Kavanagh turned his head suddenly and noticed her staring at it.

"Yes, I have a tattoo," the chemist said turning to face the photographer. "Yes, it's a molecule. The chemical structure of tequila, if you must know." Jenna opened her mouth to ask why and he answered before she asked, "A man takes a drop too much every once in a while. It's human nature."

"'Nature,' Dr. Kavanagh, is what we are here to rise above," Jenna said as she marveled that she got a word in edgewise. He stared at her before taking the scrub top from her.

"You know, Louis, I think this is going to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

* * *

-"A man takes a drop too much every once in a while, it's human nature."  
-"'Nature,' Mr. Allnut, is what we are here to rise above." is from the movie _The African Queen._

"You know, Louie, I think this is going to be the beginning on a beautiful friendship." is from the movie _Casablanca_.

Any concrit is welcomed. (As is raving. or "this is good" or anything.)


	3. Showers Can Be Fun

**DISCLAIMER: **I own nothing. Except Kav (I claimed him), Jenna, Sarge, and Dr. Milena, all of whom are making a brief visit. Not beta-ed so all mistakes are mine. Somebody warned me once (threatened to go to the mods actually) so I decided to put a blanket thing on all my stories (het, slash, gen,) Please, bring an open mind. Remember, everyone's life is not the same.

**A/N:** This idea came to me while I was taking a shower at university. This is the third part of the _Meetings Can Be Fun_ series. (I'm officially calling it _Atlantis Can Be Fun_.) You don't have to read the first two to get this one as they're a series of stand-alones. (Though I wouldn't mind if you did.) Just know that the series is about the fun of being on the Atlantis science team.

* * *

John hated the communal showers. He knew he wasn't the only one; the photographer who hung out with the foreign sergeant complained about it loudly and often. That didn't make him feel any more comfortable.

The floor wasn't exactly tile and the shower head wasn't exactly a shower head so much as a hole that spat the water up into the air. Warm, _salt_ water and that didn't sit to well with John either. To be so smart, the Ancients really didn't understand hair care. Or that you were supposed to be able to brush your teeth while you showered. The part that disturbed John the most was that anyone with the Ancient gene could open the door at any time and walk right in. John took extra care to think "LOCK" at the door, just in case; he was fairly certain Dr. Milena was having him on about the people who wanted to see him naked.

At least, that was what he thought before he heard the click of the door behind him.

He stopped and listened for a moment before deciding it was paranoia. He shouldn't have been thinking about Dr. Milena in the shower. John went back to running shampoo through his hair when he felt hands spin him around. The stranger reached out and pulled John closer before kissing him thoroughly. The pilot had a brief moment to realise that the strong hands and stubble meant "guy." Which meant his career was pretty much over, but...damn somebody could kiss! The Colonel opened his eyes to see his mystery attacker...

"ARGH! AH! MY EYES! MY EYES!" Apparently, John's good friend, Shampoo, had decided it didn't like being forgotten.

"Well, now I didn't think I looked that bad!"

"NO! It isn't you! I got shampoo in my...Carson!" the pilot yelled in shock and agony.

"What are you going on about, Lad?" the doctor muttered affectionately.

"I opened my eyes to see who was molesting me and I got shampoo in my eyes."

"Hold still. Hold still!" the Scot said as he maneuvered the taller man's head into the spray from the shower head/hole. "There you go." John opened his eyes and blinked at Carson. "Now what is this about molesting?" John at least had the decency to look sheepish.

"Um...your eyes are _really_ pretty. Has anybody ever told you that?"

"Aye," the Scot said with a mischievous grin. "Don't think that I'm letting you off the hook." The American cast his eyes around the tiny shower stall for a moment before making an executive decision and kissing the doctor.

John's kiss was softer and much more experienced than the one Carson had lain on him earlier. Carson moaned softly as he parted his lips just enough for the extremely talented pilot to sweep his tongue inside. John began to move the doctor back toward the wall as he tried to figure out the logistics for doing this in such a small stall. He had just gently bitten Carson's bottom lip when the other man shrieked and slid. So _that's_ where the soap went to.

"Carson? You okay?" The American assumed the groan that issued forth was a 'no' and got down on his knees beside his would-be-lover. Carson looked up at him before listing his complaints.

"My arse hurts. My back hurts. My head hurts...I sound like Rodney."

"Just a little. Are you okay? Do you need to go to the infirmary or–?" Carson reached up and pulled John down to him. As they broke apart, John panted, "I'll take that as a no." He threw the offending bar of soap as he positioned himself over Carson – –

"What the frak?"

"Chikusho!"

"Sarge! What the hell did you do?" The three scientists looked up at the offending soldier from where they sat around a monitor. Jenna hadn't really needed to ask what Sarge had done (it was fairly obvious since she was holding the power cord) but felt like giving her the benefit of the doubt. The foreign soldier just stared at the photographer. "Okay, so it may be wrong to have put the camera in the shower, but.."

"It took me three weeks to build the damn thing! And another two to figure out how to run the video stream to this monitor! What the frak were you doing? Do I go around and destroy your experiments?"

"Kav. That's not the best question in the world. Especially, since this may be revenge for you messing up her experiment." Sarge just glared at her lab partner. He stood up quickly.

"I don't have to deal with this! I'm going to _my_ lab." Kavanagh touched his forehead to the back of Jenna's head before turning around and leaving quickly (i.e. running for his life). Jenna sighed heavily.

"Since I doubt you're going to let us watch the end of the BeckShep Show..." she paused hopefully, but Sarge just narrowed her eyes. The photographer stood up and took a picture of Sarge before walking out of the room. Presumably to take photos of the new viral lab SAR had found that morning.

Sarge turned her stare at the only member of the trio left. It was obvious that she wanted to know why the sweet, innocent scientist had went along with Kavanagh and Jenna's nefarious plan. The woman in question shrugged.

"I like to watch." Sarge thought about that for a moment before plugging in the monitor back in and walking around the desk to join Miko.

* * *

**A/N: **"I like to watch." is from the movie _Being There_. I'm still writing for the "AFI 100 Year...100 Quotes Challenge."

"Chikusho!" is the Japanese word for "dammit." I don't know if Miko is Japanese (I haven't seen _Letters..._ in a long time) but the name sounded like it was and its fanon that she is.


End file.
